Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Winning the Lottery

Tonight, the Mega Millions Lottery Jackpot is up to $200 Million and I bought myself 7 tickets just in case. Most of the day today, my brother and I were discussing what we would do if we won the jackpot.

We pretty much came up with your standard concepts:
1) We both said we'd give our immediate family a little something right off the bat. I threw out the arbitrary mil, which seems decent enough
2) Then I said I'd buy a piece of property on a lake and build a house to my specs with an indoor basketball court and swimming pool...I'll handle the cleaning of it, there's a lot of dead beats in this industry.
3) Kevin said he'd buy a new car, I think he said the Jaguar convertible. I'm fine with my car, so I'll just keep it for sentimental value
4) And of course, we both said we'd drop a mil for the people in New Orleans, not only because it sucks, but also because you'd be ridiculed by the American journalists if you didn't. Don't tell me you wouldn't

That's about all I could come up with. I don't think I'd really do much else, outside of live comfortably knowing that I don't need to worry about money, and I think that piece of mind is the best thing you can get...then I read some of these stories:

"Winning the lottery isn't always what it's cracked up to be," says Evelyn Adams, who won the New Jersey lottery not just once, but twice (1985, 1986), to the tune of $5.4 million. Today the money is all gone and Adams lives in a trailer."I won the American dream but I lost it, too. It was a very hard fall. It's called rock bottom," says Adams."Everybody wanted my money. Everybody had their hand out. I never learned one simple word in the English language -- 'No.' I wish I had the chance to do it all over again. I'd be much smarter about it now," says Adams, who also lost money at the slot machines in Atlantic City.

Are you fucking kidding me? This lady won the lottery TWICE and she lives in the trailer. Then she comes up with the winning line, "I wish I had the chance to do it all over again." You did, you dumb bitch, you won a second time, and you still live in the trailer park.

That's not the worst story out there, listen to this fucking guy's story:

William "Bud" Post won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania lottery in 1988 but now lives on his Social Security. "I wish it never happened. It was totally a nightmare," says Post.
A former girlfriend successfully sued him for a share of his winnings. It wasn't his only lawsuit. A brother was arrested for hiring a hit man to kill him, hoping to inherit a share of the winnings. Other siblings pestered him until he agreed to invest in a car business and a restaurant in Sarasota, Fla., -- two ventures that brought no money back and further strained his relationship with his siblings. Post even spent time in jail for firing a gun over the head of a bill collector. Within a year, he was $1 million in debt. Post admitted he was both careless and foolish, trying to please his family. He eventually declared bankruptcy. Now he lives quietly on $450 a month and food stamps. "I'm tired, I'm over 65 years old, and I just had a serious operation for a heart aneurysm. Lotteries don't mean (anything) to me," says Post.

His brother hired a hit man?!!

So, now, I've added a couple more things to my list of things I'd get if I won the lottery.

5) I'd get two huge body guards, and inform them that if anyone gets within 10 feet of me, to break both their legs. This is purely a precautionary move, but I feel it will help people get the message when there are dozens of beggars crawling around in my front yard screaming and blood is covering my doorstep.
6) I'd buy a limo and take a trip up to New Jersey to visit Evelyn Adams, and slap her in the face for being such a dumb ass. Then I'd give her $10,000 and light her trailer on fire. This would serve two purposes. One, it would be incredibly amusing to me. And two, it would send a further message that I might be insane and that it is best to leave me and my millions alone...if they didn't make it to my house and see the crippled beggars first, that is.
7) Two chicks at the same time.


Catheter Man said...

If you win can you throw a couple hunny my way so I can buy a decent fantasy team?

gman said...

haha.. dude. i've totally thought about this over the years though I never buy lottery tickets.. stupidity tax...

but I would totally build a indoor bball court (that's always been my dream -- whether or not I win the lottery). I'd become a coach and start from HS and try to make it up to the big time.