Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Truly Shitty Week

So, our story starts this past weekend with my trip to Dewey Beach. Danielle and I had been there for one entire day already, and on a nice Sunday afternoon, we made our way back out to the beach. We found a good spot somewhat close to the water and after being out for a while, Danielle headed inside to use the bathroom, leaving me alone.

Within a few minutes, two women carrying a baby and a car seat carriage thing (I don't know what they're called, but it's like a baby seat with a canopy over get the picture) make their way to about 5 feet in front of me and decide to plop themselves down, blocking my view of the ocean. I immediately pick up on the fact that they are not American from their accents, but it becomes even more apparent as they put the baby one was holding, down on the beach...and he is not wearing any clothes.

Naked baby is initially funny, as I assume they just changed him and are about to put his new diaper and swimsuit on, but they don't seem to be inclined in such a way as he starts waddling towards the water (yes, he's old enough to walk). He makes it about 30 feet, with one of the women following after him before he gets close to a second family, that have one kid of about the same age (though he has a swimsuit on) and another that's maybe 13 years old as well. The 13-year old immediately sees Naked Baby and turns to his mom, like "what is up with this Naked Baby?!!" They're keeping it lowkey and say nothing to the woman.

At this point, Danielle comes back and sits next to me. I inform her that there is a naked baby in the group in front of us, which she at first shrugs off. Baby. Naked. Ok, whatever. But after about 5-10 minutes, she turns back to me and is like, "uh, I don't know why, but this is terribly uncomfortable."

You're probably sitting there reading this, thinking to yourself, much like Danielle did, that a naked baby on the beach is nothing crazy. Yeah, naked baby on the beach. It's just a baby. But trust me...a naked baby (that can walk!) on the beach is awkward and uncomfortable for everyone around. So awkward that a woman took her young daughter and left the area. And another couple to our left repeatedly looked over and shook their heads. And yet, no one said anything.

Even as Naked Baby threw sand in the air. And then as Naked Baby sat his naked self next to the family with the other young boy and started to play with their toys. And then it happened. The mother from the other group stood up, walked over to the two women and said it..."I think your baby just pooed."

Yes, it went from bad to worse as Naked Baby shat in the area where the kids were playing, and as his mother?? grabbed him by his wrists and lifted him away, only to dunk him into the ocean to clean him off, I realized the key reason why babies should not be allowed to wander about naked.

But is it just babies???

So, fast forward to last night, and another high brow establishment, Nissan Pavilion. Hinder has just finished their set, and the sun is still visible as a crowd of people are making their way to and from the consession stands in anticipation of the featured act, Nickelback. Danielle and I have done the same, having just gotten two more beers, and are making our way back to our seats when we see the crowd dispersing slightly in front of us.

The scene is pretty surreal as four security guards are carrying a girl face down out up the walkway. I've seen this before...too much to drink...too hot in the mosh pit's a shame she's gonna miss Nickelback. But then they get closer and I see that not only is she experiencing the shame of being carried out, but she's wearing a dress and it has unfortunately made its way up her back, exposing her and her thong to everyone in the area. Again, this is nothing new for a concert. We saw several boobs as the night went on, what's a bare ass here or there too?

And then, it got weird.

It all happened very fast and I was already 24 oz. of beer and minimal food into the evening, but the looks on the faces around us helped tell the tale. As we watched her bare ass go by, I realized, this girl was not passed out at all. In fact, she was struggling and writhing to free herself from the security guards' grips, jolting her ass and legs up and down, drawing even more attention to herself...and to the fact that she had most undeniably shat down her leg.

Was it just mud from falling??

That was my initial thought. But there was just something that didn't seem to fit that story. And as the shocked faces of everyone around us, and the hushed words from everyone, including the security that takes your tickets for the section, began to grow, I knew that we had seen our second shitter in less than a week.