Sunday, December 16, 2007

Back at it

Well, here I am again. I turn 30 in two weeks, I'm barely working because it's the Winter, and I got dumped by my girlfriend on Friday night, leaving me single once again. With the increase in age and now free time, I guess it's back to doing what I seem to do best. Coming across random adventures of stupidity.

And I didn't waste much time, as I went out with some friends on Saturday to try and clear my head, as sitting around at home alone was getting very depressing.

So, the crowd wanted to head down to a place called Marvin in the U Street corrider, so my brother, his girlfriend and I grabbed the metro down to Dupont and hailed a cab in the pouring rain over to U Street to check this place out. It was OK, though very crowded, but most of the people in the group wanted to bail on it after a short while, and head over to a place called Bar Nun, where a guy we play football with bartends. My buddies Brian and Mike showed up right as the crowd was moving, so I told them I'd pass on Bar Nun (which upon further commentary didn't seem like my kind of place) and meet up with them if it was a good scene.

After another round of just the three of us, having not heard from my brother about Bar Nun, we decide to head over to St. Ex, where another friend of ours, Chad, said it was pretty fun. We get there, it's OK, and I proceed to suck down some Captains and a shot of Jamieson (not my call). It's getting late and I still haven't heard from Kevin.

Brian and Mike decide to bail, leaving me and Chad to finish our drinks, all the while being acosted by a fat chick that Chad did an improv class with. Fat chick doing improv...relying on her wit...who would have guessed?

Seeing no redeeming virtue in anything further at this place, we decide to just head over to Bar Nun to see what's going on. We walk over there but are shockingly unable to get in since we are two single dudes, even though it is like 2 AM. We assume this is kind of gay, so Chad takes off and I call my brother to tell him to come leave, since we were ready to go anyway. He and his girlfriend comes out and tell me all about the place. And here is actually why they wouldn't let two dudes in:


Yep, Kev said they were only letting couples and single girls in and the place was for people to meet up for group sex. To encourage the mood, there were Asian women walking around in thongs, short school girl skirts and no tops. Kevin was approached by the owner (female) about having a three way. And I am so glad we decided against even following them there.

So on to the metro. After wandering for about 10 minutes trying to get a cab, we walked over to the U St metro completely soaked and had to get on there...randomly getting a cameo from Chad departing from McDonalds to give us directions. Unfortunately, the U St Metro is on the green line, which meant we had to take it to Gallery Place, then switch, before heading out to Grosvenor...and I had to pee.

I make it all the way to Tenleytown before I am literally in physical pain I have to go so bad. Everyone with me (we ended up meeting up with two girls that we knew that got on at Dupont) is saying we're only a short way away, and to hold it. And then the worst thing possible happens...they stop midway between Tenleytown and Friendship Heights because of track work. At this point, I get up and start combing the train for a bottle (yeah, it was that bad), but all I find is a grocery bag with a bag of sub rolls and some deli meat in it. Luckily, the train starts moving again, so I think I'll be OK. We pull into Friendship Heights and then we stop...and sit. Kevin's telling me to run out and pee in the trash can, I'm debating just getting off and running to the street to go somewhere, but both don't really seem like good ideas. And then I make the executive decision.

Yep, I grabbed the grocery bag, pulled out the bag of rolls, took all the rolls out, kneeled down in the corner seat of the metro hidden by the wall, and pissed into a clear plastic bag. When it was filled (I really fucking filled that bag), it was slightly dripping, so I double wrapped it with a second grocery bag that was also inside, sprinted from the train to the trash can on the terminal and made my deposit. A new first for me...peeing in a bag. Good times.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Things That Suck 2

Once again, I think I'll rant about something that really sucks.

Has anyone been to the Burger King at Montgomery Mall recently? Or perhaps it is just Burger Kings, in general? This place is located in the corner down by Sears and right next to a giant children's play area (don't even get me started on how much that sucks) and I swear this part of the mall is where people come to die. The rest of the mall seems bright and cheerful, especially with all of the Christmas decorations up now. However, when you venture closer to this corner, partially hidden by the escalators and Ice Cream of the Future stand, all that is good seems to be sapped from your soul.

And the main source of this horror is that stinking Burger King. I used to go here back in high school and always remember it being somewhat on the dirty side, but now it's just gotten comical. Homeless people sit randomly around the seats, an odd hispanic woman wanders the soda machine and condiments area, as I walk up to the register to order.

And then I wait.

And then I wait some more.

And then I here some guy flirting in Spanish with two women behind the large metallic wall of grills and other Burger making bullshit. And then I wait some more.

Sweet Jesus...finally the guy comes around the corner, obviously surprised to have any business. I place my order, get my ticket stub and move down to fill my soda, dodging the Spanish lady, who I assume has some mental illness because she's talking to herself and shaking slightly.

My chicken sandwich comes shooting down the metallic serving slide a few minutes later (like she couldn't just hand it to the guy?) and he starts bagging it up. Then he reaches for the fries in the bin and starts trying to scoop them up. HUH? I just waited for 5 minutes for the sandwich after waiting another 5 or more minutes to even place my order, and he's trying to give me fries that were sitting there the whole time. The King would not be proud. After I explained that this is not how it's going to go down, I'm waiting for another 5 minutes for fresh fries, before rapidly exiting the premises, every ounce of joy, hope, and love sucked from my being.

Perhaps these people sitting randomly around were not homeless people after all, but had just sat in this dungeon for too long that they had no will left to go on with their normal lives. Needless to say, I must avoid this area of the mall from now on. Hell, it even sucked the life out of Sam Goody, a once flourishing store that sat just across the way. Man, does that place suck.