Saturday, October 29, 2005

Pumpkin Carving

Last night, following my football game, Amy and I carved the pumpkins that she had gotten a week ago for Halloween. It's been about three years since I last carved a pumpkin, but I think I did a pretty good job. Plus, I got a ton of pumpkin seeds, which I roasted and have been eating for most of this morning. Here's a pic of the pumpkin.

It's supposed to be Butters from South Park.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

The Robbery of Ricky Paugh

I just got back from the DC Improv and seeing my college buddy, and old roommate Ricky Paugh, perform as a part of the DC Comedy Showcase. The Comedy Showcase was a contest between 8 up and coming comedians, wherein the best comedian (as determined by three borderline professional comedians...or for the purposes of this blog entry, assholes) would win a chance to perform with a big act and compete in an even larger competition towards the dead end job known as stand-up comedy.

Anywho, we get to the Improv nice and early and my buddy Kupe has secured us the front and center seats for this joyous occassion. There's eight of us in our group and as my first captain and coke goes down and the lights dim, we come to the realization that this is a very Pro-Rick crowd. Home field advantage...I don't blame him for stocking the audience.

The show begins with the MC doing his bit. He's OK and has some decent pops, before introducing the first act. To call the first act a train wreck would be an understatement. The guy was a 6'8" black man who had just gotten out of prison (no, I'm not a racist asshole who naturally assumes all 6'8" black men have just gotten out of prison) and he was high (no, I'm not a racist asshole, but all 6'8" black men who have just gotten out of prison are likely high). I don't quite remember much of his act, but I am just glad he didn't steal anything or pull out a gun. The only laughter was what I will term "nervous, please don't rape my girlfriend chuckles" and he was done.

The next few guys are a blur as the Capt. is flowing like water, and the comedians are very forgettable. One shmuck tried to pull a Mitch Hedberg rip-off set...what the fuck? And then, Ricky was up.

Ricky shot up there with some high intensity, and threw out some local, "this city is a pain to get around in" jokes. Solid performance and the crowd is with him. He's dancing around the stage like an ADD kid who needs his ridilin as his veins are shooting out his neck, and we're all lovin' it. I truly laughed out loud during two or three of his jokes, and he buttoned things up with the always popular suicide bomber joke. I know, but he made it work. He went off to a thunderous roar and all of us at the table are confident he's definitely the least the best thusfar, though there's still 4 guys to go.

More of the same bullshit, no talent ass clowns for the next hour, including a Carlton from Fresh Prince wannabe, a redneck, and Rick's toughest competition, a spastic joker with a disturbing habit of pointing and touching his own groin, even when talking about a woman's hot love oven.

They wrap things up with a special appearance by a "more popular" professional comedian, who was decent, while they tabulated the votes. All the comedians were then brought out onto the stage (except the 6'8" black man, who is mysteriously missing?), so that they could all make a final appearance as they read the top three:

#3...Carlton (SWEET!!!)
#1...SPASTIC GUY??!!

What the fuck?!!

I knew that 6'8" black guy was gonna steal something.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Place Your Bets: Week 7

Still under .500 (36-49-3), so I won't make any commentary again. Now, I'm just playing for pride:

St. Louis (-3) vs New Orleans in Baton Rouge
Green Bay (Pick 'em) at Minnesota
Indianapolis (-14.5) at Houston
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (-1)
Chargers (+4) at Philly
Lions at Browns (-3)
49ers (+13.5) at Washington
Cowboys at Seattle (-4.5)
Buffalo (+3) at Oakland
Ravens at Chicago (-1.5)
Titans (+5) at Arizona
Broncos at New York Giants (-2.5)
NY Jets (+7) at Atlanta

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Thirsty Thursday

Every three weeks, I have tried to put together a happy hour with all my employees to try to break things up from the "monotony" of simply coming to work, working, then leaving. This is a concept I just introduced this year, and termed the day as "Thirsty Third Thursday."

Well, today just happens to be a Thursday, and the last time we went for drinks was three weeks ago. Unfortunately, not everyone gets up for this event each time it rolls around, but this week we had 4 (a fifth showed up later) of us partake. And an excellent choice for mid-day drinks and food was the ever popular Hooters.

The four of us swing into Hooters, grab ourselves a table, and our waitress is over in a few seconds. She introduces herself (Stephanie) and takes our drink order (I got carded, always nice). She's a decent looking girl, but really not all that great. She's about 5'4", blonde, a bit on the thicker side, thus giving her some nice cleavage, a little bit of acne, and there's something else that's very odd about her. At first, I can't pick up on it. She's friendly enough, cracking jokes, making an impressive catch of two wings with a second plate as they fall from their own plate, and she even stays around to talk for a bit.

And that's when I realize what's wrong. She's staring right at me as I make a comment, but she's ALSO staring at Manny, who's sitting to my left. How is that possible? Staring at two people at one time???

She has a lazy eye.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005


I'm sure everyone runs into this feeling every once in a while...the feeling that you are stuck in a rut of doing the exact same thing every day, every night, every week, every month with little variation and therefore little to get overly excited about.

Well, that's where I'm sitting right now, and perhaps that explains my lack of posting recently. As a child, you always look forward to growing up and doing adult stuff, but I don't think as I kid I knew how good I had it.

I've been working in my company for the last six years, (more if you include the occassional Summers through high school and college), and though it is physically demanding at times, it really doesn't seem to challenge me in a manner that keeps me engaged. I know exactly what I need to do in most situations, and there is rarely a challenge that requires more than two extra hours of my attention to resolve. Then it's back to processing paperwork, making sales calls, and dealing with the antics of unmotivated, under-educated employees.

Is this what being a working world adult is all about? Is this why you hear about people working for the weekend? Or why people bitch about their jobs?

Now, don't get me wrong...I probably have it much better than alot of people, since I have no direct overseeing boss to harp on me (except for the 300 clients that never cease to find something to bitch about), and I have no cutthroat co-workers trying to bring me down to lift themselves up a peg. But, it's still a routine, a monotonous, almost-second-nature routine that I wake up to each and every day.

But the irony is, soon my busy season will be over, and my work days will dwindle to just a few hours of training and re-organization...and I'll look forward to rediscovering my monotonous, almost-second-nature routine, because it's just that.

So, this weekend, I guess I'll raise a glass to the boring routine that is work...and then I'll walk up to random girl and smack her on the ass...just because it's something different.

Monday, October 17, 2005

The Greatest Game(s) Ever Played

This weekend was truly a showcase of football greatness. I am not typically a college football fan (since my alma mater, Davidson, is not what you would consider a "big time" program...or even a "small time" program...or possibly even "worth watching"), but this weekend's matchup between USC and Notre Dame was arguably one of the best football games I have ever seen. My buddy Boland was fortunate enough to actually be at this game, though the outcome was definitely not what he was hoping for. For those of you that missed it, I'm sure it will be on ESPN Classic every day this week, as it is definitely a new instant classic.

However, it was not the only great game I was able to watch this weekend, because Sunday morning at around 10:15 AM, the second greatest game ever played in rec league football was just beginning. With several players missing from the Shockers (like the sexual move), we were forced to call in one sub and play with the bare minimum 7 players against the second place Rottens. A win would put us into second by 1/2 game, with only 5 games remaining. A loss would put us a game and a half back, and virtually out of playoff contention barring two miracles (or losses by the Rottens...your choice).

The Rottens got the ball first, and against our bare-bones team of players playing out of position, drove down for a quick score, taking an early 6-0 lead after a missed extra point. Our defense sured up on the next few drives, but our offense was having trouble moving the ball for the whole first half (including 3 botched snaps by our fill-in center), and a missed field goal to end the first half left us still down, 0-6. We start the second helf with the ball, though we're now throwing into the wind and getting more exhausted with each passing moment...then the miracle catch occurred.

We're on our own 30 or so. Francisco (one our receivers) is set to run a fly route from the left side, while I was lined up on the right slot, running a 10 yard drag. Our QB has some time (for once, we were overmatched in the size department too) and chucks it up for Fran. The ball's underthrown a bit, as Kevin always seems to do, plus the wind, but Fran gets his hands on it, as does the defender. The two of them are wrestling over it and they begin to fall down from the collision, the ball bobbling around in Fran's hands as they go...and that's when I make my break.

I'm close enough at this point and absolutely no thought is running through my head (per the norm) as I snatch the ball away from the both of them and begin sprinting down the field. Not since the time my Junior year of college when I outran a dog in a drunken haze (no, I'm not shitting you) have I ran so fast. Within moments I am at the twenty and realizing that I am way too out of shape to be pulling this shit. I hear a defender closing on me now as I'm running out of steam but his late dive to try to grab my heels is too short and I stumble into the end zone for the score, and we're up 7-6.

All of a sudden, the flood gates are opening as both teams drive quickly down the field, and we're sitting up 15-14, after two successful two point kicks, with a little over two minutes to play. We probably should have switched to a deep zone defense, but instead we stay with our 4 man blitz, and it costs play, 70 yard bomb, and they're now on top, 22-15, after a successful two-point kick. Now, we've got just under 2 minutes, three timeouts, and still only seven very tired players staring 70 yards at our goal. We pick them apart, 10-15 yards at a time, and now sit within striking distance, at the 25 yard line with 8 seconds to go. One last play, everyone into the endzone.

Kevin scrambles to buy some time and rolls to the left. He throws the ball up off his back foot and from where I'm standing on the right side of the field, it is obvious it is not going to make it into the end zone. The receiver and two defenders collide at the one yard line, and the ball falls to the ground as time expires.

Now that would be a good, though sad for us, ending, but I said this was a "great" game.

Laying on the ground next to the ball sat a flag, and this one's not over. Pass Interference on the defense, one untimed play from the one to decide the game. Where have I seen this shit before?

I stay in the backfield as a fourth blocker, as my brother rolls to the right on this final play. Their zone defense is covering our exhausted receivers well, so Kevin tucks the ball and sprints for the corner...extends the ball...and HE'S IN THERE FOR THE SCORE!

Now I'm gonna end this story here, leaving everyone with a victorious feeling inside, much like the triumphant Matt Leinart took USC in for the win on a final 1-yard run.

But didn't the USC kicker miss the extra point? These games were a little too similar in that regard.

Happy Birthday Langley

Today, my buddy Langley is 29, and since I was unable to make it out on Saturday to celebrate his old age with him, I figure I'll give him a shout out. Sorry, again about not making it out.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Place Your Bets: Week 6

Sorry about the lack of posting this week, I've been a little under the weather and the weather hasn't helped either. Anyway, gotta throw up my picks so you know who to bet against. Here goes:

Giants at Cowboys (-3)
Panthers (-1) at Detroit
Falcons (-5.5) "at" New Orleans
Vikings (+3) at Chicago
Redskins (+5.5) at Kansas City
Bengals (-3) at Tennessee
Jaguars (+3) at Pittsburgh
Browns (+6) at Baltimore: UPSET SPECIAL (+210)
Dolphins (+3.5) at Tampa Bay
Patriots at Denver (-3)
Jets at Buffalo (-3)
Chargers (-1.5) at Oakland
Texans (+9) at Seattle
Rams (+13.5) at Indy

I'm just hoping for an 8-8 week at this point.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Wow...This Weekend Sucked

Thank god it's Monday. This was arguably one of the worst weekends ever. Since it was pouring like a bitch all weekend, I didn't go out on Friday night. Then, all day Saturday, I just sat in my house and watch TV and played video games. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but the dog was also opposed to going outside, and therefore shat in the house twice and pissed in the house once...that I've found.

Then, Saturday night rolls around, and since I was basically stir crazy, I demanded Amy and I go out for dinner just to get me outside. We went to Rock Bottom (and I am now a member of the Mug Club...$4 Mugs of their finest ales) and came home with the worst shits ever (yes, that is two shit references in only two paragraphs). Thanks, Rock Bottom. Needless to say, that kept me in for the night, even if I wanted to venture out into the wet and cold.

So Sunday rolls around, and because of all the rain, my football game is cancelled. Sucks. On the only positive note, we tried out Union Jack's for football watching after the debacle at Caddies two weeks ago, and I'd have to give it an overall positive review. The menu was much larger, as was the place, though they were a bit understaffed once the crowd rolled in for the Skins game (which was a ridiculous game). The waitress was also hotter than those at Caddies, so they've got that going for them as well...and there's free pool on Sunday in case the games really suck. But the real highlight for afternoon was the fact that Joe Jacoby's table was the one right next to ours. What a neanderthal...solid. Now, back to the shittiness.

So, I wake up this morning and look at my fantasy football games...losing all three. Hopefully, next weekend will be better. Langley's birthday on Saturday guarantees I'll at least get drunk...which is nice.

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Place Your Bets: Week 5

Since I really stunk up the joint last week (4-10, bringing my total to 25-34-1) and since I just wrote a relatively long entry already today, I'm just gonna put my picks without any commentary, and will continue to refrain from "expert" commentary until my record returns to .500, which may never happen. Anyway, here goes:

New Orleans (+2.5) at Green Bay
Tampa Bay (-3.5) at NY Jets
Philadelphia (-3.5) at Dallas

Cincinnati (+145)
at Jacksonville

Seattle at St. Louis (-3)
New England (+2.5) at Atlanta
Chicago at Cleveland (-3)
Miami (+2.5) at Buffalo
Baltimore at Detroit (-1)
Tennessee at Houston (-2.5)
Indianopolis (-14) at San Francisco
Carolina at Arizona (+7.5)
Washington (+7) at Denver
Pittsburgh at San Diego (-3)

I need to go 12-2 this week to pull back above .500. Well, at least I'm still a game ahead of Catheter Man, who's 24-35-1.

New Jeans

Let me just start by saying that all this rain really f-ing sucks. I have never seen so much constant pouring before in my life. And yesterday, I got to see it first hand. We had a couple guys call in sick yesterday, so once again I was out on the road and travelled down into DC to do a couple pools.

My buddy Kupe and I were working together and we finished up our first job without too much of a problem. We then get to our next job, which is a pool closing, and unload the 200 lbs. worth of stuff and get it set up pool side for the close-down. Well, about five minutes into my vacuuming of the pool, the rain begins. Within 3 minutes I'm pretty wet, 5 minutes I'm soaked, and within 10 minutes I might as well have been vacuuming from inside the pool. We run back to the truck and try to wait out the heavy rains, but when twenty minutes pass and the guy's front yard is covered in standing water, I think we need to call it a day.

We run like mad through the standing water to grab our pump and such from pool side, clean up the place and get out of there. My shoes and socks now have their own standing water in them. We make brief stops at our remaining jobs just to throw in some Chlorine shock so they'll be OK til Monday, then I drop Kupe off at his place in DC.

It's only about noon at this point, so I grab some lunch with my bro (after heading home to change clothes) and then decide it's time to get myself some new jeans.

You see, I don't tend to buy nice clothes for myself on a regular basis. I'm pretty content to wear Old Navy stuff that costs me about $10 each, and since my job requires I wear crappy clothing, I never have much of a need for anything better. Most of the time, I just wait til my birthday to pick up some of the nicer stuff that I wear out to dinner and to the bars. But today, I was gonna break the mold.

The last few weeks, I've been noticing that my old nice jeans are not fitting quite right, perhaps in part to my new McDonald's diet, or perhaps because they're all about 3-5 years old. The worst part about the old jeans is that they seem to be way too tight in the crotch, something that is definitely a concern when heading out. Constantly adjusting yourself probably doesn't sing too well with the ladies. Or you run into a problem that happened to me about 2 years ago.

At the time, I was living in DC with my buddy Greg. He had invited over his sister and a friend of their family, who ended up being pretty hot and had amazing boobs. Well, we head out to Lucky Bar that night and I'm wearing a pair of jeans that are hugging the boys just a bit too well. So, I'm getting drunk and when she wants to start dancing, I'm like 'What the hell' (I mean, I've done the running man in this place before, I think I can handle dancing with this chick)

So we're dancing, and then she starts grinding up on me. This is normally not an issue, but these damned jeans have my dick pinned down my left leg...and she's rubbing right on that. There's no time to make the adjustment and get the soldier out of there (as I mentioned above), so he decides to stand up and fight.

So, as I was saying, it's time to get some new jeans, so I head over to Lord & Taylor at White Flint Mall. This is a nice place and I actually got some shirts here a couple months back (I don't get Summer stuff for my birthday since it's in December) that were nice.

They've reorganized the place, but I eventually find the jeans. They've got a bunch of different brands and usually I would just grab two or three and get the hell out of there, but it's like 1:30 at this point and I have no idea what size I wear anymore, so I figure I'll try some on. Holy shit, I did not realize what a disaster this would be, and how different jeans are cut by each brand.

First off, I used to wear 34-32, but I guess that was just because jeans were made "Loose Fit" and "Baggy" the last time I bought some. Apparently, the McDonald's diet not only makes me fatter, but makes me shorter, as I ended up with 36-30 this go round. And this took about 5 different trips back and forth to the dressing room to figure out.

I now find the appropriate size and start looking at different styles of jeans. Most of the jeans look really gay now. One pair was pre-faded in the thighs and butt, and it just looked weird. Then, a couple other pairs had holes in them or about-to-be-holes. I've got a whole closet full of these from chlorine stains, and I really don't think that is a smart call as the holes just get bigger with each wash. Perhaps the pool man is the trend setter without me even knowing it. If Timberland boots with shorts comes into style in a couple years, you'll know who to thank.

Anyway, I finally get everything squared away and find some less flashy jeans. I'm ready to pay, when I realize I didn't look at the price tags. $110 for a pair of Kenneth Cole jeans!!!!! What the fuck!!!! No, fucking way. Those went right back on the hanger. Shit, for that price they better give me wood right when I put them on. I ended up with two pairs of DKNY jeans and a pair of Lucky jeans (these were a sentimental purchase, as I used to have a pair when I was 17 and they got destroyed doing pool work a couple years ago).

For these three jeans, I paid almost $225 and spent almost an hour in the store. And this is why I will not buy another pair of jeans for 3-5 more years.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Top 10: Sports Movies

With all the great sports going on right now, including the uneventful return of the NHL last night, and my recent watching of "The Longest Yard" on DVD, I felt I'd put up my take on:

The Top 10 Best Sports Movies
10. Rudy - There's something about a good underdog story that makes a great sports movie...and this is one of the best. The last scene always gives me goosebumps.
9. A League of Their Own - Call it a shitty pick since it's about women baseball players if you want, but this is a really solid movie. Tom Hanks is freakin' amazing in this and I would definitely consider it one of the best.
8. Major League - This is a staple of mine...I think I've seen it over 50 times, including the terrible made-for-TV versions. Wild Thing out of the pen is always a money moment.
7. Bull Durham - Most people would put this higher up, but I'm really not that big of a fan. It does have some classic baseball lines, especially the Costner speech about what he believes in.
6. The Natural - Again, this is one other people may put up higher, but I really think it's only the second half of the movie that makes this one the soundtrack.
5. Remember the Titans - I think as far as "movies" go, this is a great one...then add to that the football parts, and you're sitting in the top 5.
4. Any Given Sunday - It's a bit corny at times, but the football scenes and Pacino's speech about "A Game of Inches" makes this one a classic. Man, that speech is great.
3. Field of Dreams - Everytime I watch it, I just marvel at how great a story it is. It could just as easily be my #1 with these other two.
2. Miracle - This one doesn't get much respect, but I think it is one of the best team sport movies out there. The scene where the coach works them until the guy says he plays for the USA is awesome, and the Miracle on Ice is one of the best moments in sports to see on the big screen.
1. Rocky - This is THE underdog movie, and a sports classic. I don't care what anyone else says, this is my #1.

Getting this list to 10 was tough.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Ridiculous Bet: Yanks-Angels

Thoman bet me $20 that the Angels would beat the Yankees in the ALDS. Go Yankees.

McDonald's Monopoly

God, do I hate this stupid game. Every year, I feel compelled to buy McDonald's food just to get the game pieces. I don't even like hash browns and I got some yesterday morning. Then, today I won a free medium fries on my morning drink cup. So, of course we hunted down a McDonald's for lunch so I could use the freebie.

Unfortunately, you don't get a game piece with the medium fries and I don't really know how to order something without making it a combo, so I ended up ordering a chicken mcnugget combo meal (biggie sized for the fries with the game pieces) AND redeemed the free fries with it. Yeah, that is just too much food, and the fries tasted like shit by the time I got to them as well. So I ate like 10 fries. What a waste.

I plan to be over 185 lbs. by Saturday.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Busy Weekend

I feel my blog entries have lost their flair lately. Perhaps, I'm growing bored with writing stories, or more likely, I have nothing too particularly exciting to talk about. This weekend, however, was very busy for me from a sports point of view, so I'll drop a few of the highlights here, and possibly make a few bold predictions for you guys to mock related to the MLB playoffs.

Sadly, I stayed at work until 7 PM...not working, but playing the incredibly addictive game I had stopped playing years ago, Civilization III. Trust me, if you haven't played this game and you value your free time, don't start. If you have played this game, you understand my addiction. Anyway, I ran from there to my football game, where we pulled out a victory, though I didn't catch a TD for the first time this year. Perhaps it was because my gloves smelled like Big Foot's Dick since I left them in my bag with a sweaty T-shirt. Honestly, no one wanted to stand within 5 feet of me, which really helped in making us practice our no huddle offense.

Later, I headed down to Adam's Morgan with my buddies Jay and Ellis, along with two friends of Ellis's who used to live in New Orleans. Nothing too spectacular to speak of, although we did see a very forward and perhaps retarded Russian guy aggresively hitting on women while wearing his suit jacket inside out. For those who know the places I go to drink, the suit jacket alone is grounds for mocking him, then to have it on inside out (and it wasn't a fashion statement, unless "dumb ass" is the statement) was pure comedy.

Went to the Nationals game with my brother and his girlfriend, as well as my parents and grandmother. Not quite the best crowd to go to a Saturday afternoon game with, but it was a family thing...gotta do it once in a while. The best part is that my dad refuses to switch Metro trains ("it's too hectic and stressful"), so instead of driving 2 minutes to the Grosvenor Metro by my house, he drives us all the way to New Carrollton (40+ minutes) so we're on the same line as RFK, nearly killing us when he almost went the wrong direction on Route 50. Yeah, that's not hectic or stressful?

Went to the Redskins game (Yeah, 3-0!!) with my buddies, Kupe, Zack, and Scott, after our morning outdoor football game, where we won 13-12. Our first win of the season...finally. I bought new gloves, since the stank didn't go away on my old gloves, which I may now have to burn.

At the Skins game, it's always a freak show, but we definitely had the cream of the crop in our section. I really wish I had a camera, because my words alone can not do justice to the guy sitting one row in front of us to the right. He was probably about 6'2" 380 lbs. (fat pounds) and was wearing a 5XL John Riggins jersey that I don't believe has been washed since it was likely first purchased in 1983. This guy is so big that he overlaps into the two seats on either side of him, which is killing the guy to his left and forces him to vacate the seat in the second half. The best comparision I can give you is to think of a real life "Comic Book Guy" from the Simpsons. Classic.

The game was pretty exciting, as you can imagine, but the downside to any close Redskins game is that all 80,000 people leave at the same time...which translated into a 2+ hour trip back to Rockville. That's why I only go to one game a year.

Andruw Jones

David Ortiz

NL Cy Young:
Chris Carpenter

AL Cy Young:
Mariano Rivera (Yeah, that's right)

Red Sox over White Sox in 4
Yankees over Angels in 4

Astros over Braves in 5
Cardinals over Padres in 3

Yankees over Red Sox in 6

Astros over Cardinals in 7

Astros over Yankees in 6 (Yankees will score an assload of runs in the two wins though)

Yeah, I know. All the ESPN guys are picking the Astros, and I'm a Yankee fan, but Andy Pettitte and Roger Clemens are ex-Yankees, and Pettitte is arguably the best playoff starting pitcher out there right now. Pitching wins championships, and they have the best staff out there...even against the Yankee lineup.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Artist's Rendering

This is my artist's rendering of me kicking my fantasy football opponent's ass this week (he started the smack talk but I can't put pictures on the site) Notice the fine details such as the fact that I am driving a Williams, and the life-like facial features including blue tears. Truly a work of art.

Yeah, I have way too much free time.

Place Your Bets: Week 4

What a great weekend for sports! The weather is finally getting to feel like football should be played, and baseball is winding down. How amazing is the AL East and Wild Card race. As a Yankee fan, I am going nuts getting basically an extra best of 3 series with the Sox before the real post season begins. You can't ask for any better.

Add to this the winding down of the fantasy baseball season, and I am basically at my computer checking scores 20 times a night. I've pretty much locked down 4th place in my keeper league (too many injuries and a crappy Beltran left me short) and it looks like I'll win the 3rd place game in my head-to-head league, but in my Yahoo league, I'm in a dog fight with my buddy Thoman for first place...I'm down by one point right now, but I've got innings to eat and pitchers to eat them, with hopes I can get a few wins and gain about 3-4 points by doing so.

If you think that's not enough sports, I'm heading to the Nats game this afternoon with my family to hopefully watch them destroy the Phillies season, and then I'm heading to the Redskins game tomorrow to hopefully watch them move one step closer to the undefeated season.

Plus, I've got an outdoor football game tomorrow at 9 AM after playing and winning in my indoor football league last night. Hopefully, we'll rebound from our 20-20 tie last week, which cost us a chance at a three way tie for 2nd and instead leaves us in last place.

With all this going on, perhaps this excuses my poor performance in making my NFL picks last week. I finished with a record of 5-9, dropping below .500 for the season to 21-24-1. Thankfully, I only threw real money on the Cincinnati game last week, and that came up golden. Here's what we've got this Sunday:

Indianapolis (-7) at Tennessee: Steve McNair is banged up again and the Titans defense is definitely the worst one the Colts have faced all year. They have to cover the spread sometime.

Detroit at Tampa Bay (-6.5): Detroit is coming off the bye week, which makes this even a contest. Carnell Williams has been running the hell out of the ball, and Brian Griese has been terribly underestimated for almost a year now. Tampa is for real and should be able to walk through the Lions at home.

Seattle (+2) at Washington: Being a Redskins fan, this hurts me to bet against them, but they have really been lucky to win both their games this season and Seattle is not the type of offense that will let Washington squeak out a low scoring victory. I suspect we'll see a lot of Shaun Alexander, setting up some deep passes over the depleted Redskins secondary...and I'll be there to bitch.

I haven't gotten one of these right this season, so I don't even know why I try. There really isn't a great upset pick out there, so I'll go with the Jets (+280) to pull it out over the Ravens. This is going to be an ugly game, with two backup quarterbacks doing their worst. I have faith in Herm Edwards, though, as he seems to find a way to win every year with a squad that I feel is just a big pile of crap. Go Crap.

San Diego (+5.5) at New England: Tomlinson is real good and losing Rodney Harrison is real bad. Maybe the Chargers don't win this, but I think it'll at least be close.

Denver at Jacksonville (-3.5): I've been picking Jacksonville alot this year and I still like what they're doing on defense. Hopefully, their offense will look better than Kansas City did against the Broncos last week.

Houston at Cincinnati (-10): This spread is pretty steep given that Houston has had two weeks to try and remember how to play football. But they did forget in the first place, so I have to pick the extremely hot Bengals.

Philadelphia at Kansas City (-2): I think this is the week T.O. becomes a distraction on the field. Arrowhead is just too tough a place for me to pick against the Chiefs too, even off the short week.

St. Louis (+3) at NY Giants: The one week I suck it up and pick the Giants and they go and stink it up. Arguably the matchup of the two teams I dislike the most. I really don't care who wins this, so I'll take the upset.

Buffalo at New Orleans Saints of San Antonio (Pick): If the Angels can do it, why don't the Saints? In either case, the Saints need to win this game and with Takeo Spikes out for the Bills, they may be able to ride Duece for the victory at "home."

Minnesota at Atlanta (-6): The Falcons defense is not the Saints defense, so I think the Vikings and Daunte Culpepper will fall back to the shittiness we grew accustomed to in the first two weeks.

Dallas (+3) at Oakland: I'm sure Parcells was real pleasant this week after to the loss to the Skins and narrow victory over the crappy 49ers.

San Francisco (+2.5) at Arizona Cardinals of Mexico City: I knew it was only a matter of time before the NFL decided the Cardinals were too shitty to allow them to stay in the US. I guess it was the only way they figured anyone would come and watch this game. And just think, they'll play another one later this season.

Green Bay at Carolina (-7.5): The old Brett Favre would be a lock to shine on Monday Night, but the "old" Brett Favre is a shell of the man we used to watch...and the Packers look like crap. I hope he surprises me, he's such a gamer.

Let all the games begin.