Yesterday, my lucky streak in poker came to an end...well, sort of. I finished second in the first tournament of the night, winning me $20, which I then proceeded to lose on the next tournament, by ending out of the money after a careless All-In move against pocket kings. Oh well, luck has to end sometime. I'll rebound for next week.
But speaking of gambling and running out of luck...Rafael Palmeiro has just completed his 10-game suspension and hopes to play for the Orioles starting tomorrow night. I'm sure they'll allow him back since past teams allowed the likes of Darryl Strawberry and Steve Howe to make numerous comebacks after drug use, though a different type of stimulant was involved there. The Orioles could use the help.
And as long as I'm comparing Raffy to those winners, it wouldn't seem right not to bring back the biggest black eye in Major League Baseball until Canseco's tell-all book, Pete Rose. Let's pit these two monsters at it, and see who's the bigger disgrace:
TAIL OF THE TAPE
Pete Rose - 4256 Hits, 2165 Runs, 160 HR, 1314 RBI, .303
Rafael Palmeiro - 3018 Hits, 1662 Runs, 569 HR, 1834 RBI, .288
Pete Rose was definitely a solid hitter, but Raffy does put more runs on the board. I'll call it a wash. They both have a lot to lose. Rose - 1; Raffy - 1
Pete Rose - MLB Records for Most Hits, Games Played, At Bats, and singles
Rafael Palmeiro - Only 4th player to ever have 3000 Hits and 500 HRs (Banks, Aaron, Murray)
Pete has four impressive records all to himself. Raffy is sharing his with three others. I give the edge to Rose here. Rose - 2; Raffy - 1
Pete Rose - Received both a Stink Face from Rikishi and a Chokeslam from Kane at WWF Wrestlemania in 2000
Rafael Palmeiro - Spokesman for Viagra
Wow. Nothing to be too proud about here. Truly role models for the kids. I'll give 'em both a point for not being Jose Canseco, though. Rose - 3; Raffy - 2
Pete Rose - Gambled on baseball, including games he managed in.
Rafael Palmeiro - Used steroids, thus shrinking his balls requiring him to become the spokesman for Viagra. Oh yeah, and he perjured himself in front of a grand jury.
Raffy went and double-dipped on this one. Yeah, Pete directly affected a game he was managing, but he didn't do anything illegal in the real world. Raffy not only broke baseball rules, he broke laws. That's worth 2 points. Rose - 3; Raffy - 4
Vowels in Their Name
Pete Rose - 4
Rafael Palmeiro - 7
Never a good sign. With 7 vowels in his name, Raffy almost qualifies as a Muslim Terrorist. Here's your point, but I'm watching you now. Rose - 3; Raffy -5
Celebrity They Most Remind Me Of
Pete Rose - Howard Dean
Rafael Palmeiro - Keith Hernandez
Howard Dean is already a jackass, where Keith Hernandez had an outstanding role in Seinfeld, so I'm gonna have to give the nod to the porn-star-mustache-wearing latino. You have disgraced a good man, Raffy...shameful.
And we've got our final: Rose - 3; Raffy - 6
And in a shocking upset, it appears that Rafael Palmeiro is a bigger disgrace than Pete Rose. I feel his real keys to this victory were breaking the law twice and looking like a well loved Seinfeld character. Enjoy the final months of your career Raffy, because you certainly won't be coming back for an encore in Cooperstown. Plus, you've shrunken your sack. What more do you have man??!!!