Where's the bathroom?

In my line of work, bathrooms are few and far between. Occassionally you'll get to a pool that has a nice bathroom in the pool house, which is hopefully not used often and stocked with TP and such. Most of the time, however, there is not a bathroom around nor a good hiding spot to try and duck behind for the occassional piss or the oh so scary #2.

Over the years, I've had some nice run-ins with the old bathroom problem, but today my brother and I (who were working together today) had a double dose of on-the-job bathroom follies. First, I had to piss really bad at our third job and though the equipment was covered by some bushes, it was still relatively visible from the house and these people haven't been very pleased with their pool lately. Finding me urinating on the equipment would probably be a breaker.

Now, in the past, I would simply excuse myself to the truck, either closing all the doors and hanging in the back area or standing calmly at the door, pretending to be writing something, all the while filling up a gatorade bottle with my own new flavor...it might taste better than that passion fruit they tried to pass off a while back. Unfortunately, today I had no empty gatorade bottle, so I gave it the old kneel and pray they don't come out piss. All went well. Phew.

So, we finish that job and then head to grab some food. Kevin orders bourbon chicken and I get Jambalaya. Now, you'd figure I may have made the worse decision here, but three hours later, Kevin proves me wrong. We are finishing up an opening and he has the pained look of a man about to die on his face. He has to crap, and he has to crap bad.

Dropping the duece is a much trickier endeavor. There's a lot you need to consider including where you're going to go, is it going to stink real bad, and what are you going to wipe with? On one occassion when things were real bad a few years ago, I got to the point of crouching bare ass in someone's pump room over an empty bucket, while my buddy continued servicing the pool around the corner. This could have been disasterous had I actually been able to relax enough to complete the assignment at hand, because I was terribly ill-prepared. No water in the bucket (this is an important fact I've learned since to minimize smell), I was in a small place the client would likely go to in the near future, and I had nothing to wipe with. That would have truly sucked. But no more than the time I found a nice bathroom in someone's pool house, though there was no electricity on.

The place was nicely done up, so I felt good to go. Took my time, did my business, went to wipe. Oh damn. No TP. Just the roll. Yup.....

I tore the cardboard roll into pieces and wiped with that. Man that sucked. Glad to end that disaster right....no water in the upper bowl. Are you kidding me! Luckily, I have a pool full of water and a bucket in the truck to manual fill that sucker and send me shit to sea. Hazards of the job, I guess.

On today's outing, I believe Kevin might have been willing to pull the old bucket move, especially given the look on his face, but luckily we were able to roll up to a Citgo, allowing him to destroy the premises. But that was only round one. After finishing our next opening, it was apparent that the bourbon chicken wanted out...fast. Even my joking about him shitting his pants fell on deaf ears as he could only muster the firm gaze of a man determined to not squirt in his pants. Citgo again saved the day (a different one no less), and all went well. Today was a fortunate day, they all don't end so well.

Thank you Citgo...for being there for my brother.