Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Fuzzy Memories: "Train" Wreck

It was my senior year in college and my roommate and I had just finished going through all of the women's eating houses (we didn't have sororities...too many eating disorders) and helping ourselves to some delicious leftovers. We're walking back to our apartment, with a serving tray of turkey, when this chick walks up to us, whom I believe we had been chilling with earlier in the evening while we were partaking in the drinking portion of the show.

Anyway, this chick is not particularly good looking, but appears to cling on to us and follow us home like a lost dog (of which, I brought many home during my years in college). The only thing I can remember about this girl is that she is best known for taking it in the duece by one of the filthiest guys I know on her recruiting visit the year before. Oh yeah, she was a freshman at the time of this debacle.

So we make it back to our room and find my other two roommates and another friend all chilling out and continuing with the drinking, excited we have brought back some turkey. Turkey dinner was so amazing..with stuffing and mashed potatoes. Arguably, my favorite meal...even better than beef tips. Mmmmm.

Well, I'm done with my turkey and crack open another beer. Meanwhile, this chick is still here, and she's laughing and loving pretty much anything anyone of us says. Now, I had a girlfriend at the time and this girl, as I mentioned, was disgusting, so this is not amusing to me in the slightest. And I would have to say the same for my roommates The B man and The D man. But my buddy (The I man) and my last roommate, the same one who was driving the golf cart in the previous fuzzy memory, are smelling opportunity. When the girl asks where the bathroom is, and excuses herself, The I man jumps to action.

"OK, we are running the train tonight!! K man, you're first, then me, B man you're third, D man you're clean up, and J man, you're last, since you already get ass."

Now, I immediately put up a fight, because I found the girl and because 5th is just disgusting. Then I'm like, whatever, this shit ain't gonna happen, whatever.

"J man, don't fucking put salt in this. If we're not all in on this, it's gonna fall apart."

Nonetheless, it has now become open season on stupid commentary and the B man and D man are following suit. Sensing the plan falling apart, I and K ask the girl if she wants to play a game in the other room.

Oh dear god.

Brace yourself for the stupidest idea for a game ever, courtesy of the legendary K man:

"We will roll two dice. If the number is odd, the person who rolls it, drinks. If the number is even, the person who rolls takes off an article of clothing."

Are you kidding me!? I nearly shat myself. And as the three of them excused themselves to the K mans room, we had nothing else to do put walk around to the window and see the outcome.

Outcome: Two naked dudes and a chick who showed the amazing ability to take off her underclothes while still staying dressed and drinking half the time standing awkwardly in a room. Something obviously went awry.

This train was derailed. And she ended up leaving soon after this. It's all for the better...trust me.

Oh, and we actually invented a game worse than this...Beatdown Craps. Think Craps but in an elevator and when you crap out, you get beaten until you reach either the top or bottom floor.

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