Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Top 10: Why I'm Single

Recently, I've been meeting a bunch of new women, including those that are completely new to me and others that just haven't really hung out with me very much in the past. Through most of these new interactions, I've been getting some very positive feedback, which is always good for the ego. I'm hearing comments like I'm "so much fun", "easy to talk to", "hilarious", "good-looking", "amazing in bed"...well, haven't heard that last one, but I'm sure it's a possibility.

Anyway, the culmination of this came just yesterday, when Danielle and I were hanging out at my place. I had just made some dinner, and during our conversation, she says that now that she knows me, she's actually kind of shocked that I'm still single.

Now, those of you that know me would probably think that the main reason for this is that I was involved in a 6-year relationship for most of my early twenties. However, I thought I'd give you the "real" reasons for my remaining unmarried.

Top 10 Reasons I'm Still Single

10) Justin Timberlake is always just one step ahead of me on grabbing my future wife. And I am not about taking his sloppy seconds...damaged goods, JT. Damaged goods.
9) I've taken the teachings that you must always strive for something better a bit too broadly.
8) I've found that pointing and clicking for sex is somewhat easier than poking and begging for it.
7) I'm still waiting to find a girl that finds farting, midgets, and nut shots hilarious. I mean really finds them hilarious. Not the "I want this guy to like me, so I'm gonna laugh at that midget even though I really feel sorry for the abuse he has to live with" type.
6) After having my heart broken by my only true love, my college girlfriend, I have protected myself from being hurt that badly by not allowing myself to truly bring anyone close into my life and by deliberately dating women that I know don't meet her level of greatness. Uh...or not. Thanks Freud.
5) Women can only stare at a dancing monkey tattoo while giving me head for so long.
4) My dog is secretly shitting in the shoes and purses of any woman that comes over.
3) Between three days of football, one night of bowling, and one night of basketball, where exactly does this "girlfriend" fit in?
2) Two words: Captain & Coke
1) This blog

1 comment:

Love said...

so danielle is not ur GF:) uh i thot she was... juts cuz u dont have a relationhsip doesnt mean she is not a potential wife...

guess wat...i dont know wat was so great abt ur GF who broke ur heart... if she isnt coming back for u... she cant be the one for u... and if she isnt ... that person is out there... who knows may be danielle... and if marriage or relationships were only abt sex... then seriously u wudnt ahve had a family urself... and may not have been even born... or been taught what being there for means...:) so if she is there for u.,.. through thick and thin... u need to trust her to be someone u can call family and family bears with u...even if they cant lauygh at ur stupid jokes... which is never really a requirement... but yes she will surely say on ur face... fart in the washroom...if she cannot really take it...but she will still love u with all that... ur choice though