Thursday, September 25, 2008

Fuzzy Memories: You Did What?!!

So, in honor of my return to my old college campus this weekend for Homecoming, I felt it only appropriate that I recount the story that still amazes some people in the degree of stupidity involved in it. This is a story from my senior year, and once again involves that great past time of ours, "borrowing" golf carts. It is blog entries like this that I feel it is best that I refer you once again to my Disclaimer before you continue.

You Did What?!!
It's probably around midnight on a standard Spring evening on campus. My buddies and I have been doing some drinking with some freshman girls that we knew at our apartment, and the mood begins to turn to destructive behavior. For those of you that knew me in college, the mood seemed to turn to destructive behavior a little too often. Anyway, we had had limited success the last few attempts to locate and jury-rig a service golf cart for joyriding, so we're searching for possibilities.

It is at this moment that I make the decision that nearly (and likely should have) ended my relationship with my girlfriend at the time. She had recently had knee surgery after blowing out her ACL and MCL during a soccer game, and to aid in her ability to get around campus, the school had provided her with her own golf cart. But certainly, I wouldn't consider taking her golf cart for feats of destruction??

The whizzing of the engine as we pulled away signifies my lack of judgment, and yes, we stole her cart. I have told you on numerous occassions that I am not proud of some of the things I've done in my life, and this is one of them. But we're not done.

After cruising around campus with my roommate, my buddy, and three random freshman girls, we approach the main academic building on campus. As we pulled up, we noticed the new addition to campus...the handicapped ramps. Yes, campus had decided to make the place handicap-accessible, and with that, they had also given us an idea.

You know where this is heading...bear with me. We were ambitious. And we were stupid. A winning combo as we steered the golf cart up the first leg of the ramp. It is at this point that it made a 180 degree turnabout. Thankfully, my roommate played football, my friend played baseball, and I played with myself...often, so we were strong enough to lift and rotate the cart to its new direction. Oh my god, we might just be able to pull this off! We drove it up the second slope and sat at a 90 degree angle in front of the main doors.

Another quick lift and rotate, and the impossible was a mere two feet away. I sat down in the driver's seat as the handicapped doors opened like Shangri-La in front of us. And we entered the magical utopia of our main academic building while seated on our chariot. Flyers waved on the walls as we sped down the hall. It was surreal. It was amazing. And then it was over.

Did you ever realize how short a hallway is when you're driving along it? It is at this point, that the stupidest of all ideas crosses our mind. There, to our left, at the end of the hall, sat the hallway to the elevator. We knew we could turn this cart 90 degrees. We had conquered the first floor. What if we took it to the second floor?

We lifted the cart and had it in position. The doors to the elevator opened, and with a push of the accelerator, we were...BANG!!...oops. Apparently, the hallway got more narrow. Wish I had noticed that before I slammed into it and took a chunk out of the wall. However, I am thankful in hindsight that it was there, because I dare not think of the chaos that likely would have occurred if we had been able to get the cart into the elevator. I'm pretty sure the weight would have been a problem.

The obvious destruction of public property (remember the Disclaimer...this is not real) cleared our heads a bit, and it is at this time that we decided an exit was in our best interest. How would we explain this if someone of authority just happened to walk by?

Our exit was more Dukes of Hazard than our lengthy entrance, as I floored the accelerator and drove straight off the top level down the steps (dem damn der Duke boys!!), with a couple thuds. We made our way back to my apartment, locked up the cart to the lightpost out front, and as I returned to bed, I was greeted by my girlfriend and her not-so-friendly (though completely expected) reprimanding. After I explained what we had done, the shock in her eyes was only broken by her exclamation,

"You Did What??!!"

No comments: