Sunday, August 31, 2008

The Irish Goodbye

My head hurts, my body hurts, I'm confused as to how exactly I got home, and my car is not here. This is the downside of attending the Jimmy Buffett concert yesterday, and starting the partying around 2 PM for an 8 PM concert. And it is also the result of pulling one of the greatest Irish Goodbyes ever.

For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about, an Irish Goodbye is when you are out with a group of friends doing some drinking and without saying goodbye or letting people know you are leaving, you simply slip out in a drunken haze. At about 2 AM last night, I did said move. But there's more to this story than just the fact that I left. Let me start at the beginning.

I drove down to Greg's place at around noon to pick him and Jesse up. The group we were going with to the concert were primarily Greg's co-workers, so it was in my best interest to travel to the guy's house with Greg, so that I didn't show up and not know anyone. Even attending this concert was a last second thing, planned out on Monday, though the guy putting it together had an extra ticket and had organized a party bus for the third party bus to Nissan Pavilion in the last month and a half.

It's pretty hot outside and I rapidly switch from my t-shirt into my offensively flashy Hawaiian shirt and wife beater. We play a few games of corn hole at the guy's place, and then the bus arrives. It's a larger bus than the ones I've gotten for the other two shows, resembling a tour bus, and equipped with limo style seats and a bathroom. The bathroom was disgusting and basically was just a glorified bucket, but served us well once we got to the concert, since the bathroom lines were ridiculously long.

The bus's air conditioning was not all that great, so I'm sweating like I'm guilty most of the trip there and shed my Hawaiian shirt and decided to just sport the beater. The bus driver did too (well, he wasn't wearing a Hawaiian shirt), so you can tell how classy this bus was. We make it to the Nissan Pavilion, grab ourselves a parking spot and set up our table for some flip cup. This is where things start to get fuzzy.

We play a bunch of rounds of flip cup, I win the king of the hill flip cup game, and then I make my way over to play some cornhole. Soon it's time for the concert, I'm pretty drunk, and I realized that I never ate dinner. That's never a good thing. The mob to get into the Nissan Pavilion is chaos and Greg's sister and I force our way to a faster moving area and we're the first ones in.

During this exchange, I run into this group of kids (most are around 19, I guess) and one of them is only wearing a coconut bra instead of a shirt. It's a dude, so this is not all that cool. He asks our group if he can borrow a shirt, and when no one offer to help this guy out, so that he can get in (gotta have a shirt I guess), I make the bold call and give him my beater. Now I'm in just a Hawaiian shirt, and the classiness meter is rising. Some girl with their group offers to flash me her tits, and I'm not sure why I said no, but she instead gives me a kiss on the cheek for my effort, and I'm off.

Within five minutes of being inside, I'm lost. I told Greg's sister to go with the group that came in right after us, but Greg, Edwin, Nicole, and Colin are not a part of that group, so I decide to look for them. Instead, I find the bathroom and a margarita. Probably not the wisest decision, but at this point, my brain is not functioning. I call Edwin, who remarkably answers his phone, and locate him, the two hot chicks, and a couple others at the front entrance. They're shocked by the speed with which I've grabbed a margarita, and I begin leading them to find a spot, like I've been here for ages. Well, I guess I was just here on Wednesday.

I find us a spot, the concert is already going on, and I begin dancing about like the typical drunken moron I become at concerts. I lose the Hawaiian shirt (in the sense that I took it off...I actually did lose my sunglasses after putting them down somewhere though...glad it was the cheap pair I bought in Baltimore) and find myself sweating and shirtless for most of the show. I'm all class...we've established this.

The concert ends and we make our way back to the bus. I don't remember any of the ride home, except the fact that Colin decided to find a different way back. When we finally make it back to the guy's place (Crystal City), Edwin is pulling for us to go meet Sean and some others out at a bar. I make the executive decision to give Greg my keys and let him drive my car home, while I go with them. Not sure why I made this move, as I was really drunk, really tired, and in no shape to be going out. Did I also mention that I'm only wearing a Hawaiian shirt with nothing underneath it? I imagine it was my penis doing much of the decision making at this point, as the two hot chicks were going along, and while I don't imagine my dick would have even worked and I am probably talking gibberish instead of spitting some game, they're still nice to look at, right?

So, it's back on the bus and over to some bar, somewhere...I think it was Courthouse area. This entire adventure is a giant blur and most of it is blacked out, but I'm pretty sure we walked into a bar where we re-found Colin and Sean was there too. I hopefully didn't get another drink, but who knows? I think I lost my vision at this point, and when I sat down at the bar, and felt the comfort of sitting, I knew it was time to go. My brain finally made a decision and I couldn't waste time allowing it to forget, so I pulled the Irish Goodbye. I turned and walked right out the door...I'm heading home. On my way out, I ask a waiter where the metro is, and start walking. I find it. And I get on the right train. And I make the switch at Metro Center or Gallery Place, not sure. And then I get on the red line train.

The next thing I remember is going up the escalator at Shady Grove. You see, I don't live near Shady Grove, however. I live by Grosvenor. I guess I fell asleep on the train. I wonder if anyone woke me up and asked me to get off the train? Oh well, now I've got to get down to Rockville from Gaithersburg. Thankfully, I see a taxi and I'm coherent enough to give him directions to my house. I'm home. Thank god. I walk up to my door to go in, and then I realize. I don't have my keys. After flagging down the taxi and checking the backseat, it dawns on me. I gave my keys to Greg. Fuck.

I dig in my planter looking for a spare key. Guess I don't keep one there anymore. Then I try to climb onto my back deck to hopefully go in the door up there...if it's open. I can't do a pull up at this point, and to be honest, this would have likely been a disaster had I even been able to get up there, and then I finally decide I'll walk over to Glen's place. After walking about 100 yards, I'm exhausted and instead decide to call him. Yep, it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm calling my brother to come let me into my house. He actually answers and in 10 minutes or so, he's waking me up on my front steps (yeah, I fell asleep again) and letting me in. And then I woke up this morning, I'm pretty sure I'm still drunk, and now I have to walk down to the metro to take it to Greg's place to get my car.

Gotta love a Jimmy Buffett concert.

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