Monday, June 19, 2006

A Little out of Practice

This past Saturday, my buddies and I went to the Yankees-Nationals game and watched a horrible train wreck occur as the Yankees blew a 7-run, 5th inning lead to lose the game 11-9. One would have to think that would be a low point for my day, being a Yankee fan, but apparently it was merely some forshadowing of what was to come.

Fast forward to about 12:30 AM and there you have myself and my buddies Z, Ike, and Catheter Man hanging out at Millie & Al's in Adam's Morgan (me, in Millie & Al's...go figure!). Anyway, we're in the upstairs bar and we've managed to grab ourselves a couple chairs, though I'm choosing to stand. There's a decent amount of people here and being newly single, I figure this is my first opportunity to check out chicks and actually consider the possibility that I could take one home.

Now, I have not been single for 6 years...meaning the last time I was single we had just gotten over the fact that Y2K wasn't the end of the world, Bill Clinton was still in office, and if someone mentioned the name Osama, I would have thought that was probably the name of the cabbie who just dropped us off in Adam's Morgan. So, as you can probably imagine, this is a bit of a dramatic change in my bar lifestyle.

Now, anyone that has gone out to the bars with me probably is thinking, J-Man can talk to anyone, just give him a couple beers and bring up some random topic and he'll go on and on like a freakin wind up monkey with cymbals.

True. But for some reason, on this particular night, I'm just not feeling it. Perhaps I'm not ready to be "single J-Man" quite yet or perhaps my confidence is low for some reason, or perhaps my brain is mush from a full day of moderate drinking and sun. Whatever the reason may be, a moderately attractive woman is constantly looking at me (in a good way, I believe) and my friends are embarassed by the fact that I am not making any sort of reaction to this blatant stare down.

I shrug it off and say, I'm not in the mood, but Z is having none of it. We all have this friend...the guy that wants you to grab some random ass so bad, you'd swear it was his knob that may get polished if the cards were played right. I actually have a couple of friends like this (which is not necessarily a good thing) and when Z doesn't take my request seriously and begins talking with this girl and informing her that I am being a bitch by not talking to her...I am eventually drawn in by her, "Man, you're friend is really busting on you"

And it's on.

Now, you're probably anticipating some great banter, a few smooth lines by the J-Man and perhaps what could be described as the parts of a porno that you fast forward through to get to the good stuff...but that is not the case. You see, Mariano Rivera just came into the game with only one on, and a one run lead, and the train is about to derail rapidly.

Me: What's this guy saying over here?
(Z mysteriously disappears)
Her: He's just busting on you. (Didn't we establish this fact a few seconds before, which is why I'm over here?)
Me: This guys been drinking all day, you can't trust anything he says.
Her: I've got a question for you.
Me: (blink..blink)
Her: You see when I was coming out here tonight, I was in such a hurry that I meant to grab my ID and my credit card and instead I grabbed my credit card and my Giant Food card.
Me: Well, at least you're saving money on your groceries.

(crickets are chirping now)

And Soriano just stole second

Her: So, do you think I can get into another bar?
Me: Well, what bar are you planning to go to?
Her: Tom Tom's
Me: (My brain finally registers what she's saying after focusing in on how big her lips are...like Angelina Jolie) Wait, how did you get in here?
Her: (some incoherent babble that I forgot)
Me: Well, Tom Tom's is pretty tough at IDing so you might not be able to get in there (she has big boobs), but you're a good looking chick so they'll probably let you in.
Her: Wait, you just said one thing and then said the exact opposite. Why are you waffling? Are you a waffler?
Me: (what the hell just happened, I thought I just threw in a compliment about her looks and now she's accosting me. I looked over at Ike to see if he knew what had just happened, but I'm pretty sure Soriano just stole third and scored on an errant throw by Posada) Uuuuhhhh, I guess I did. I was just saying that you were good looking so they'd let you in even though they're tough on IDing. I guess I was a bit wishy washy in what I said.
Her: Thank you.
Me: (Now I am thoroughly baffled...why is she thanking me?) Why are you thanking me?
Her: (with an odd glare) You just wished me good luck in getting in...so I was thanking you.

Guillen just tripled in Ward and now the train is off the track

Me: (Wishy washy...wish good luck??? I just wanna end this) Uh, yeah. Umm. It's real nice meeting you, but I think we're actually heading out.
Her: (confused and growing disgusted) OK.

And Zimmerman just drove in Guillen and this game's as good as over.

Man, that was an absolutely miserable five minutes. I proceeded to hunt down Z and berate him for his move. Unfortunately the damage was done, my confidence just got a wicked stinger. Looks like I'm a litte out of practice.

1 comment:

gman said...

dude.. what a debacle. in two or three weeks we'll fix this shit.