For the first time in my 28 year existence, I am living alone. This morning, at 7:30 AM, my newly ex-girlfriend Amy and her step father began their long drive to Colorado, leaving me (and Chloe) alone for the foreseeable future.
It's very strange coming home to a house that you have only known with the presence of someone else in it, and they're no longer there. Amy took not only herself, but with her left a warmth to the house as a whole. I'm not much for flowers and brick-a-brack, but that was Amy's forte. You'd be surprised what a difference a wicker dish with potpouri in it can do to the entire feeling of a bathroom. What was soft and peaceful, is now cold and sterile. How do women do that?
The other strange thing is that the place seems very empty. Amy did not have much furniture, but what she did have was a part of the living space that I had grown accustomed to...and now it is gone. A full closet in the bedroom is empty and the spare room has only a rug in it. Heck, my study, where I am right now, has only this computer table, a printer stand and Chloe's window chair to go along with the big empty wall where Amy's computer used to sit.
But nothing is more jarring than the idea that the person that was here to listen to my gripes, to share my free time, and complement my overly excitable nature with her calmative reasoning for most of my post-college life, is no longer around.
Am I sad? More than you'll ever know. But hopefully time will help me to make new memories in this house, in my life, and I will not regret the choices I have made. I have never been religious, though I consider myself spiritual, so I have been asking, "God, give me strength."
Don't worry about me, I knew this wouldn't be easy and I always bounce back. I usually shield my feelings behind jokes and humor, but today, I feel it's best to let it go. But soon, the humor will return to the blog.