Monday, July 28, 2008

Passion

I'm not sure when it happened, but at some point in my life, I turned my life on autopilot. You can look back at these blogs and I'll even mention it. I get carried from one experience to the next, stuck in a long series of routines that basically control what I do. I never really realized it, or perhaps I just assumed it was normal. I wake up, I go to work, I make it through the day, hitting the speed bumps that come along with it, I go home, and until recently, I call Lisa, I eat dinner, I watch TV, and I go to bed.

Yes, there are a few select adventures that throw themselves in there, but for the most part it's the same. I've always chalked it up to the pressure and hours that I endure at work, shutting down and acting like a robot to deal with the stress. But here it is 6 AM, I've probably only slept about 4 hours off and on all night, and I finally realized it. I've lost my passion.

I watch movies like Click and Serendipity. I read books like A Perfect Day and The Choice. I hear songs by Tim McGraw. The lessons are staring me in the face, and yet I have continued to follow the routines. Maybe you have too. It's safe. It's predictable. It's logical. I am my father's son. The engineer mind, the planner...and I'm miserable.

A change is needed. I want to do what feels right, not what makes sense. I want to put myself out there, not safely hide my feelings for fear of getting hurt. I want to wake up each day, excited for new possibility it holds, not sleepwalking through the normal routines. I want to love again.

Some times you need to hit a low to make these observations. And it's that part of the story when the main character starts taking actions to change. You've read this story for over 3 years, let's see how it turns out.

I may fall flat on my face. I may hurt worse than I have before. But at least I'll have lived and I won't regret what might have been. Carpe diem...right?

1 comment:

Heltzooor said...

fucking A. I feel the same way.