Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Top 10: TV Land

Sorry it's been so long since I posted a Top 10 List everyone could debate over, but the smoke has now cleared and I have returned to the consistent drudgery that is the Summer of the Poolman. With vacation long behind me and a long way in front of me, my escape from reality will have to again be TV. And what better way to thank TV for raising me for the first 17 years of my life (lost touch for a while with college then work..but we're back now, thanks to Tivo), than to present to you:

Top 10 Best TV Characters Ever
10) Dan Fielding - Night Court: Dan paved the way for blatant sexism on television. He should be praised.
9) Jack Tripper - Three's Company: He lived with two women, worked as a chef for a living, and hung out with Larry, picking up chicks, at the Regal Beagle. Sounds like a pretty good life to me.
8) Glen Quagmire - Family Guy: Can't really say much about Quagmire that this quote doesn't really show:
Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute.
Quagmire: Fifty bucks.

Auctioner: She had nine STDs.
Quagmire: Forty-five bucks.
Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself.

Quagmire: Fifty bucks.
7) Cliff Clavin - Cheers: What a great show, with amazing characters. Cliffy's stories and mentioning of his mother never grew old. Which reminds me, I need a beer.
6) Eric Cartman - South Park: Another cartoon favorite, and not the last of the list. He's really carried the show. I love it when they make him act all serious like when he was trying to sell cow fetus, "You're breaking my balls here man."
5) Kramer - Seinfeld: Stole the show everytime he was on. His body movement and facial expressions are sometimes funnier than the lines in an entire show. Gggggiddy up.
4) Norm - Cheers: I wouldn't be surprised if Norm is the man many modeled their lives after...and that's sad. But funny...see Norm always brought the funny.
3) Homer Simpson - The Simpsons: It can all be summed up by this great line: "Ahhhh Marge, but Sipowicz does." Wait, no it can't, but you get the idea.
2) George Castanza - Seinfeld: I've seen the episode about 20 times or more, but everytime George tells the story about pulling the golfball out of the whale's blowhole, I lose it. "At that moment, I was a marine biologist."
1) Al Bundy - Married With Children: Like there was any competition. Al Bundy is without a doubt the greatest character ever put on television. If anyone dares to debate this fact, you should stand up, take off your pants, put your dick on the table, and smash it with the closest blunt object you can find, because you don't deserve to have one. The episodes where Al ends up "winning" in some way are some of the greatest moments in TV history. I still rest my hand in my pants when I watch TV to this day. God bless FOX for not giving a fuck.


Catheter Man said...

Some of my favorites (who didn't make the list):

Peter Griffin
Larry Dallas
Uncle Jesse Katzopolous
Carlton Banks

Catheter Man said...

I thought of another underrated one:
Bill Hawerchuck (Freaks and Geeks)