'Roids

I'm sticking with the sports theme for my second post, but I assure I'll have more variety in the future.

There's just too much press with this whole steroids and Barry Bonds stuff that I couldn't help but inject my own skewed view on the juice men.

Here's my take, simply put: Leave these f-ing guys alone. If they want to use steroids, let them get a swollen head, backne, uncontrolled agression, and premature death, among other things. I mean, isn't that punishment enough?

These are grown men who have been under constant pressure to perform at a sport, in which they are paid millions of dollars to excel. If they feel that steroids are going to help them to perform better (the jury is still out on this being 100% - see Jeremy Giambi), then they can sign that deal with the devil.

It would seem that much of baseball felt this same way. Are you trying to tell me that no one knew Mark McGwire was on something the year he broke the HR record. He had more veins bulging out of him than my wang-chung during a one man tug-o-war. And Sammy Sosa...does anyone remember what he looked like when he was on the White Sox? But baseball was in a recession and they needed the fanfare that a homerun chase brought to the game. Now they're leaving these guys out there to dry because Jose Canseco needed some cash, and sold out everyone he knows. What a f-ing jerk. I imagine his book deal ptich went something like this:

Jose: Hey man, can I score some rock?
Ice Cube: Man, whatchu talking about?
Jose: I got these cheeseburgers.
Ice Cube: I don't want your damn cheeseburgers.
Jose: Man, I'll suck yo' d-ck.
Ice Cube: Damn, you were 40-40 in 1988. Now look at you. This is some low sh-t.
Jose: If you can get me some rock, I'll tell you how. And I got plenty of stories where that came from.
Ice Cube: Snap, looks like we got ourselves a best-seller.

What a d-ck! But I digress. Back to my rant at hand. People want to see homeruns. Chicks dig the long ball. Let 'em juice it up. And to those who disagree, let me touch on those issues you'll likely bring up.

YOU: What about the guys who choose not to juice, like Mike Greenwell, and get cheated out of an MVP award because of a guy like Jose Canseco?

ME: If getting cheated means earning $500,000 a year, where do I sign up? Look, we're not talking about normal professions here. These guys are making ridiculous money, including the schmoes who sit on the bench. If anyone wants to cry like a little bitch because they're getting cheated out of BIG cash by someone on the juice, they can always make themselves feel better by looking over at the dude in the showers and commenting on his ridiculously small penis (another side effect)...not to mention the fact that they can go dance on that guy's grave just before they head off to their house in Florida for a golf weekend.

YOU: But what about the records? Roger Maris? The sanctity of baseball?

ME: Anyone watched golf lately? Tennis? Football? The sports are upgrading. New raquets to hit the ball harder. New clubs to smash balls off the tee. Baseball is still using wooden bats and basically the same balls...so the players have turned to conditioning (like all sports) and use the technology of today to provide a higher level of sport. If that higher level includes stimulants and/or steroids...it's just the development of the game. Deal with it. You want to judge players, judge them by their contemporaries.

YOU: But what about the children, won't someone please think of the children?

ME: Think about your own damned children. I've been saying this for years. Drugs, alcohol, guns in school, driving accidents, sex. It's up to parents to teach children what's right and wrong. If your kid thinks he should take steroids so he can be great at sports, tell him he's a damned fool, show him a picture of Jose Canseco, and say, "Do you want to be like that? Look at him, he's all greasy and bloated. He has a small dick, no one likes him, and he'll be dead soon. Maybe sooner, rather than later if Mark McGwire still has some of that 'roid rage left in him."

Honestly, kids are smarter at a younger age because of TV and the internet and normal evolution. Telling a kid not to take steroids without giving them a reason is not going to stop them from using. If more athletes came forward about steroid-use without the scrutiny that's coming with it, and told kids about the downsides of its use... and maybe if a few died here and there, kids could make the wise decision. I'm sure there are plenty of minor leaguer out there that are on steroids and still suck balls...again, see Jeremy Giambi.

Now, let me get my opinion clear as I sum up. I'm not promoting the use of steroids and saying that all pro athletes should use it. I just feel that if a professional wishes to use a product to give him an edge in his profession, he should be allowed to do so. And if another professional chooses not to use that same product because they weighed its pros and cons, then there shouldn't be a problem.

Hell, millions of people smoke cigarettes and it won't even help you earn millions of dollars.