Easter

Just got back from a one night trip to AC, so I'm a bit too on edge to write about that whole fiasco. Perhaps tomorrow. One topic that came up on my trip back today, however, was the whole Easter bunny thing, though...and I wanted to touch on it today since it is in fact, Easter.
I'm Jewish, though my family gets together on Christmas since my grandmother is Methodist, to exchange gifts and eat dinner. So, I know little about the truly religious side of these holidays...and I'm sure it's been asked and answered before, but...

What is the deal with the cartoonish characters bringing gifts of some sort for these holidays?

OK, Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ... so naturally it makes sense that you honor this by having a jolly fat man in a red suit deliver presents in the night by sliding down your chimney. What!!?? Oh yeah, and he rides around in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer.

OK, OK. Easter celebrates the resurrection of Christ... so naturally it makes sense that this occassion includes the delivery of candy and colored eggs by a cuddly rabbit.

If I wasn't talking about one of the largest religious factions in the world, I'd swear this was some type of cult.

The closest thing Jews have to this is Elijah on Passover. What kind of exciting character is he??!!! A prophet...from the Old Testament...figure he's probably wearing a brown tattered robe or some shit like that. Ooooo, and what fun stuff does he bring you??!! He doesn't bring anything, he actually takes some of your wine, and you have to leave the door open in the evening in March for his ghost to get in.

I think the Jews need to hire a new marketing department. Next Yom Kippur, screw the fasting to atone for a year of sins...I want a chimp named Yommie, who can fly, of course, to bring a six-pack of beer and leave it on my front door. We've already lost the 3-14 year old demographic, I'm thinking this will really win us back a few in the 18-27 year old bracket.

I know I'm already counting down the days til Yom Kippur...spread the word.