Sunday, June 01, 2008

Fuzzy Memories: Drinking Piss

I was reminded of these Fuzzy Memories just last weekend during a barbeque at my house. Lisa had mentioned that her dog Lucky was sniffing around her roommate's dog's business when all of a sudden the other dog started to pee. Humorous in its own right, Lucky was sent reeling back and Lisa said his facial expressions likened that of the cop in Dumb and Dumber.

There's something about someone drinking pee that is both disgusting and extremely humorous. And I was reminded by this story of having had the pleasure of witnessing it in person on two occassions in my life....and here they are:

40 ounces of pee

My senior year in college, we all lived in apartments on campus that were bunched together in one area, appropriately called the "senior apartments." All of the apartments had three levels and one of them had elevators to all the floors, for handicapped accessibility. Our senior year, my buddy Joyce lived in an apartment in this building and we would often have parties there, when not at our own place.

Joyce was a big fan of forties (who isn't on a college budget) and usually our nights of partying included drinking forties to help in getting shit-faced. What our nights also included when hanging around Joyce's place on occassion, was "Beat Down Craps."

Beat Down Craps was a game created by the guys in our fraternity the year above us, wherein a bunch of guys would pile into the elevator at this apartment and go up and down the elevator while shooting craps. The rules were simple, your first throw of the dice set the point, just like real craps. If you were able to throw it again before you threw a 7 or 11, your turn was over and you passed the dice. If you threw the 7 or 11 before your point, then you got beat down until the elevator doors opened next. Simple rules...we're not the smartest bunch.

On this particular night, a bunch of us jump into the elevator and are about to begin playing, when we notice a stank 40 oz. bottle sitting on the floor in the elevator, almost half full. It wasn't any of ours and we didn't want to spill it while beating the crap out of each other, so we put it outside the elevator on the landing in front of the party.

What we didn't know was that the liquid in the bottle was piss. And what we also didn't know was that Joyce was going to see us put the bottle down, assume it was one of ours and steal it to take a swig. And what a swig he took. With a "yoink", he had grabbed it and laughed as he threw it back. And then the laughing ended. And then he spit the piss out all over, followed by throwing the bottle on the ground in disgust. My roommate Boland got glass and piss all over his sandals and feet, and the rest of us are dying of laughter. Disgusting...but so damned funny.

Le Gusta El Pisso

After college, I moved into a house with my friends Zack and Scott, as well as two other acquaintances, Josh and Justin. We would often frequent house parties where someone vaguely knew the person throwing it, but for the most part we were strangers showing up at these people's houses. Not knowing the people throwing the party, and being complete jackasses to begin with (I'm not proud of some of the things I've done), we would often do childish things while at these parties to keep ourselves entertained.

On one particular night, we headed out of DC to a party in Bethesda, where they not only had a normal party going, but they had baby pools, a moon bounce (yeah, for adults...I swear I didn't hallucenate this fact), and a frozen margarita machine.

We are psyched to see the margarita machine, but unfortunately we arrived late and the machine was already drained completely. We stuck with beer, and mingled about for a while, when the idea somehow came to fruition. It's still uncertain as to why he did it, as we were debating this at the barbeque last weekend, but to the great humor of all of us, Zack took his empty beer cup, filled it with his own piss and poured it into the margarita machine.

This is again humorous in his own right, but we're not done. Sure enough, two guys roll in later to the party and see the margarita machine in all its glory. Having visited it ourselves earlier in the night, I can tell you nothing came out when you pulled the handle. But not anymore. Oh yes. This guy just poured himself a glass of pee margarita. And to my recollection, he didn't even notice. Again, disgusting...but arguably one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

You really can't make this shit up.

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