Well, here I am again. I turn 30 in two weeks, I'm barely working because it's the Winter, and I got dumped by my girlfriend on Friday night, leaving me single once again. With the increase in age and now free time, I guess it's back to doing what I seem to do best. Coming across random adventures of stupidity.
And I didn't waste much time, as I went out with some friends on Saturday to try and clear my head, as sitting around at home alone was getting very depressing.
So, the crowd wanted to head down to a place called Marvin in the U Street corrider, so my brother, his girlfriend and I grabbed the metro down to Dupont and hailed a cab in the pouring rain over to U Street to check this place out. It was OK, though very crowded, but most of the people in the group wanted to bail on it after a short while, and head over to a place called Bar Nun, where a guy we play football with bartends. My buddies Brian and Mike showed up right as the crowd was moving, so I told them I'd pass on Bar Nun (which upon further commentary didn't seem like my kind of place) and meet up with them if it was a good scene.
After another round of just the three of us, having not heard from my brother about Bar Nun, we decide to head over to St. Ex, where another friend of ours, Chad, said it was pretty fun. We get there, it's OK, and I proceed to suck down some Captains and a shot of Jamieson (not my call). It's getting late and I still haven't heard from Kevin.
Brian and Mike decide to bail, leaving me and Chad to finish our drinks, all the while being acosted by a fat chick that Chad did an improv class with. Fat chick doing improv...relying on her wit...who would have guessed?
Seeing no redeeming virtue in anything further at this place, we decide to just head over to Bar Nun to see what's going on. We walk over there but are shockingly unable to get in since we are two single dudes, even though it is like 2 AM. We assume this is kind of gay, so Chad takes off and I call my brother to tell him to come leave, since we were ready to go anyway. He and his girlfriend comes out and tell me all about the place. And here is actually why they wouldn't let two dudes in:
IT WAS FUCKING SWINGERS NIGHT!!!
Yep, Kev said they were only letting couples and single girls in and the place was for people to meet up for group sex. To encourage the mood, there were Asian women walking around in thongs, short school girl skirts and no tops. Kevin was approached by the owner (female) about having a three way. And I am so glad we decided against even following them there.
So on to the metro. After wandering for about 10 minutes trying to get a cab, we walked over to the U St metro completely soaked and had to get on there...randomly getting a cameo from Chad departing from McDonalds to give us directions. Unfortunately, the U St Metro is on the green line, which meant we had to take it to Gallery Place, then switch, before heading out to Grosvenor...and I had to pee.
I make it all the way to Tenleytown before I am literally in physical pain I have to go so bad. Everyone with me (we ended up meeting up with two girls that we knew that got on at Dupont) is saying we're only a short way away, and to hold it. And then the worst thing possible happens...they stop midway between Tenleytown and Friendship Heights because of track work. At this point, I get up and start combing the train for a bottle (yeah, it was that bad), but all I find is a grocery bag with a bag of sub rolls and some deli meat in it. Luckily, the train starts moving again, so I think I'll be OK. We pull into Friendship Heights and then we stop...and sit. Kevin's telling me to run out and pee in the trash can, I'm debating just getting off and running to the street to go somewhere, but both don't really seem like good ideas. And then I make the executive decision.
Yep, I grabbed the grocery bag, pulled out the bag of rolls, took all the rolls out, kneeled down in the corner seat of the metro hidden by the wall, and pissed into a clear plastic bag. When it was filled (I really fucking filled that bag), it was slightly dripping, so I double wrapped it with a second grocery bag that was also inside, sprinted from the train to the trash can on the terminal and made my deposit. A new first for me...peeing in a bag. Good times.