Thursday, October 19, 2006

J-Man: Smooth as Gravel

So, it's been a little while since I brought up the whole experiment, and my attempts to find a few dates without leaving the comfort of my desk to do so. Anyway, things were looking pretty positive on that front...getting tons of girls looking at my profile, and about 3-4 a day either emailing me or "winking" at me, so I definitely have a lot to choose from. I've picked a few here and there that I liked what I read, so I sent them a quick email. Winking is gay, so I refrain from doing that, but that's just my opinion.

After these four weeks, I've set up for different blind first dates. It's a bit of a process to get to that point however. First, I have to send them my initial email, where I try to crack a joke or relate to one of their interests that I have in common with them. If I'm lucky (and trust me, not all of them write back, go figure?), I'll get an email back to me. If I'm really lucky, it'll be more than a quick note that gives me no feeling whatsoever as to what to do next.

You see, unlike a real conversation, an email conversation with a complete stranger, becomes very difficult when you have nothing to work with. At least in person, you have the same environment around with which to talk. But you know me, I'm not a talker...I'm not a talker. So, you make it through a few emails, a few new topics come up and a bond seems to be forming. Now it's time for the next conversation.

Yep, enough of the 24 hour delayed responses, it's time for instant feedback... or awkward silences. So, I've made these calls, cracked a few jokes, dealt with my dog howling in the background (more on her later...that little bitch), and eventually set up for a real date. Did I really say this was gonna be easier than picking up women in a bar????

So, I'm sitting pretty. Got these dates lined up. Ready to put on my 'A' game. But where to go? The first girl let me choose. She lived in Bethesda, so I chose a bar that has billiards for some drinks and possibly pool. This was a two-fold move. One, by having a game of pool to keep us occupied, awkward silences could merely be perceived as deep thought on the next shot. And two, even if the date sucked, if I continue doing this for all of my dates, I will eventually get better at pool. So, it seems like a win-win for me.

All goes well on the first date, we have a few drinks, play some pool, and eventually call it a night with the thoughts of a second date. But I get distracted with other things, lose track of the days, and the next thing you know, it's been two weeks and I haven't called her. And she hasn't called me that's dead.

Date #2 was the debacle at Baileys with the Sox fan I mentioned before. After pulling teeth for the first hour, things loosened up a bit, but she was "tired" and despite saying that she was actually having a good time and wanted to go out again, I decided a quick email note to her a couple days later just to see what she was up to would be the end of my attempts...and it seems the feeling was mutual.

Date #3 went really well, or so I thought. Again, I chose to go to play pool (perhaps that's my problem...but hey, I'm getting better) and she and I had a few drinks and had a lot in common. We made plans to possibly do something the next day and I told her I'd give her a call to set that up. Learning from my earlier mistakes, I actually did call her the next day, but only got a voicemail. Three days later, I got an email. The night after our date (we did something in the day because it was her friend's birthday that night) she ran into her ex-boyfriend and decided they would give it another try. She insisted that I was one of the greatest guys she's met and would definitely have been interested in dating me, but "they had history." And I am history. Nobody can drive a girl back to her ex-boyfriend like the J-Man. What can I say?

I think I may start selling my services: Just had a breakup? Want to get her back? Give her one date with me and she'll come crawling back. Sweet.

So on to Date #4. This one actually seemed the most positive of the bunch so my expectations were high, and I was not let down. We grabbed some dinner (her call...and maybe better than pool) at a place by her house, and had a few drinks while just shooting the shit. Now, I'm a story teller (if the blog didn't tell you) but this girl had stories upon stories, and I'm loving it. All seems well, (but didn't the others??) and we make plans to see each other again this week before I head out of town. Surprisingly, she called me to see about doing something the next day!! Unfortunately, I was busy, but said I would be free the rest of the week if she wanted.

And she actually did. She called yesterday, while just down the road in Bethesda, and wanted to see what I was up to. After mulling over few options and realizing that I had just gotten home, and she had mentioned being exhausted, I asked her to come over to my place to watch a movie. J-Man, finally laying some smooth down.

She came over, and that's when I realized that I already had a girlfriend. A jealous one. A short, furry, jealous one. Chloe is having no part of me being anywhere near this girl, nipping at my hands while I'm on the couch and trying to sit between us. I'm sure Amy taught her this just in case of a breakup...clever indeed. So, finally, I take Chloe upstairs and lock her in my room, where she proceeds to howl for the next 20-30 minutes. What a cock-block.

Needless to say, Chloe alone could not stop me from being anti-smooth, and making no moves towards improving my 5-month drought.

And now I am packing for a weekend wedding for my boy, Zack, up in Long Island. Hell yeah, you say? Just like Wedding Crashers...the women will be ripe for the picking? Think again...I've already been informed by the bride that there will be no single women in attendence. Are you kidding me?!!

So, this weekend, you can picture me, chillin at the wedding bar, drinking Iced Teas, because I hear they make em pretty good up there, not getting any and awaiting my next anti-smooth adventure.

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