Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The Good and the Bad

It's been one week of having my jaw wired shut today, with only 7 more weeks to go. And though I'm in very little pain, except when I sleep, the inconvenience of not talking normally and having to eat only foods I can sip through a straw is already starting to wear on me. In this week, I have discovered some new things regarding life with your mouth wired shut, some are good and some are bad. Here's a breakdown of a few of them:

GOOD - I have already lost 10 lbs. and can see a four-pack on my stomach now. Perhaps by eight weeks, I'll see the whole six-pack.

BAD - The reason I've lost 10 lbs. is that my diet has consisted of Ensure, yogurt, and chicken broth

BAD - I can't shave around my goatee area because I can't stretch my face for my razor, so I'm stuck growing a goatee for the next 8 weeks

BAD - I don't want to go to my haircut girl in my state of being and my hair was already long, so it is going to be really long come September. Combined with the goatee and the weight loss, I should look like a homeless guy by week 5.

GOOD - I was scheduled for jury duty on July 18, and now I don't have to go

BAD - I was scheduled to go see Nickelback on July 26, and now I don't want to go

GOOD - I don't have to talk on the phone with clients and hear them bitch for the next 8 weeks

BAD - I tried to deposit my paychecks at an ATM yesterday and realized I can't lick the envelope, so I had to drool on my fingers and rub them on the envelope

BAD - I can only sleep on my back with my head tilted straight up or slightly to the right

BAD - I tried to mash taco-flavored chicken with salsa and cheddar soup in a blender, only to waste 20 minutes of my time making a concoction that clogged my wires and ended up in the trash.

GOOD - A milkshake is considered a good meal

BAD - I can't brush the teeth on the inside of my mouth, so I can feel plaque building up each day, and all I can do is rinse with mouth wash and deal with it

And...

BAD - It seems the "BAD" are outnumbering the "GOOD" and I've still got 7 more weeks of this

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

homeless Jeff is going to be a look worth capturing. this should be your photo for any future online dating. If any girl is interested in you looking like this, your money once you shave, get a haircut, and no longer have HGH jaw

Z

Anonymous said...

I know other liquids that can be used to seal envelops

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