Friday, July 14, 2006

Adapt and Survive

We're at 11 days of living with my jaw wired shut and living under the conditions I had assumed in my earlier post just weren't going to cut it. If I'm going to last this 8 weeks, some changes needed to be made. I needed to go Darwinian style and adapt to my environment in order to survive. And that's just what I've done.

Can't shave...I don't think so. Turns out an electric shaver does not require me to stretch my face in any direction in order to get my moustache and under my lips. So long homeless J-man.

Eating through a straw...I don't think so. Looking like a tard sucking broth through a twisty straw is a thing of the past. I have been training my lips and have now restored my ability to eat with a spoon and drink directly from a glass.

Letting my hair grow long...well, I kinda like this idea, so I'm sticking with it.

Eating only Ensure, yogurt, and chicken broth...I don't think so. Nothing was gonna keep me from Chinese food for 8 weeks, and my vast knowledge of the Chinese food menu presented me with the obvious choice for transforming food into liquid...Ma Po Tofu. I had to have someone else order the delivery, but the people of Beijing Szechuan were happy to hear that familiar delivery address on the other end.

No masturbating...well, nobody said anything about that. Thankfully, that was something that I never had to do without.

Adaptation in order to survive. Soon, I will master the art of ventriloquism and it'll be like nothing has changed. Well except for the fact that I'm still eating freaking liquids!!!!

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