Sunday, May 17, 2009

Top 10: You Might Be a Douchebag

So, today, Danielle and I went to Tysons Corner mall so she could do some shopping. As we wandered around the mall, I couldn't help noticing how much all of the men's clothing stores seem to be selling clothing that would make you look like a douche. Is this the new look going into the 2010s? In any case, it got the two of us to talking about what really classifies someone as a douche. And so after some thought, along the lines of 'You Might Be a Redneck', I present to you the:

Top 10 Ways To Tell You Might Be A Douchebag
10a. You intentionally wear pink: There are about 1000 different colors available out there, I think you can do without this one.
10b. And you pop your collar: Are you protecting your neck from harmful UV rays?
9. You wear a trucker cap sideways: So you'll protect your neck from the sun, but only one side of your face. Huh?
8. You update your facebook status to tell everyone about all the "awesome" things you're up to throughout your day: We get it, you're windsurfing with Kate Beckingsale while I'm sitting at my desk at work. You are awesome, I am pathetic.
7. You make less than $30,000 a year, but still drive a BMW: It's just not that impressive when you drive your 7-series back to your home at your parent's house.
6. You write a blog that virtually no one reads: I thought I'd beat all you wiseasses to this one.
5. You root for the Lakers, Celtics, Yankees, Red Sox, Cowboys or Patriots even though you have absolutely no affiliation to any of the home states: Why are you a fan again?
4. You cheer outloud like you did something amazing after you finish a jagerbomb: Uh, what's the big deal? Are we supposed to be impressed? It tastes like...candy.
3. You only drink coffee if it's from Starbucks: Everything about Starbucks screams douche, but if this is the only place you'll have coffee, you probably have your pink shirt collar up and your crooked hat on too...don't you?
2. You wear underarmour shirts even when you're not doing something athletic: Is it really necessary to have added wicking action when you're going to Starbucks?
1. The amount of hair gel you put in your hair exceeds the amount of semen you will put in a woman later that night: I actually read this one on another site, so props to that guy. Nothing screams douchebag like all that hairgel. "Fucking skanks!"


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