Definitely Not Snow Tires

So as most of you know, since most of you guys live here, it is snowing today. It's been doing so since like 11:30 AM and being the hard working pool man that I am, that meant I was leaving work at 12:15 PM. Thankfully I only live 5 minutes from work...but thanks to this wonderful snow, which had started to stick around this time, it took me 25 adventure-filled minutes.

Everything was cool for most of the trip, as I'm crusing along Old Georgetown Road, which is a major road that other cars have been passing over. I turn down Tuckerman, which is slightly down hill from this direction and approach my turn. Here's where I come to realize why performance tires suck. I'm going maybe 15 mph and I press on the brakes to slow down enough to make the turn...and then I start to skid. The "SLIP" light come on on my dashboard, which I think it supposed to help the tires, but I'm not slowing down and my car is starting to spin to the right from the back. There's a car waiting to turn out of my neighborhood as well, so I make the quick decision and just take my foot off the brake and accelerate past my turn, assuming I catch the next one.

I make it down to the next turn, but I'm slightly nervous as this way includes a relatively steep uphill right at the start. I'm going about 5 mph, and looking in my rearview I see another car turn completely sideways on Tuckerman about 300 yards behind me, assumedly having tried to make the turn before mine.

I'm able to make the turn this time without any difficulty and then I begin my ascent up the hill. I make it about halfway up before I just stop dead. I attempt to turn right and left, but any attempt to accelerate actually starts sending me backwards and at all sorts of angles. I back up a view feet, hoping to get a better grip, but encounter the same thing. I even try backing up into the gutter, since there is no snow there, but the result is the same. Even the backing up was dicey.

And this is where the swearing begins. I'm about 1/4 mile from my house, and I'm in my neighborhood, so I technically could just bail on the car, but when would I be able to get it, and what are the odds it doesn't get smashed up by others in my same perdicament within the next couple hours. And now the windows are fogging up. FUCK!!! And here comes a Honda Accord driving by...no problem for them. FUCK!!! And a Lexus SUV. FUCK YOU!!!

Well, I've got to do something. I could back up right onto Tuckerman, but that's a busy street, my windows are fogged, and I'm not even sure if I can start from a stopped position on that slight hill. I've got to turn around here on the side street, and if I get stuck...I'm gonna be really fucked, but at least not immediately killed.

Using the downhill force, I'm able to back around into a turn, and pull a three point turnabout to put me facing Tuckerman. This might just work. I get to the edge of Tuckerman and thankfully no one is coming so I don't have to stop as I glide onto the street. It's much more clear than my side street and my car's got decent footing as I head up towards the first turn that I missed before. I make the light in between and slowly approach my left turn, which would require me to get into a turn lane...which of course has a layer of snow on it. And of course, there's a bunch of cars coming so I have to stop. And now I'm stuck again. FUCK!!!! I try the back up and try again technique to no success, so now I decide to use the downhill momentum once again to get back into the left lane to attempt a turn from there.

Luckily, no cars are coming as I back onto the main street, begin moving forward and approach my turn again. But there's still a line of cars coming. And now a car is coming up behind me. And I really don't think stopping is an option. FUCK!!! So I bang the right and head away from my house, but at least this road is flat, and oddly clear of snow.

I whip out my second three point turn of the adventure and now I'm approaching my street head on. Thankfully, by the time I reach Tuckerman, no one is coming and I glide across the whole street and am in my neighborhood once again.

By this point, the streets are completely covered in this wet snow and each turn I make is couple with that stupid "SLIP" light coming on. They might as well not have it or just change it to say "YOU'RE FUCKED" because it really doesn't do shit. So I finally make it to my street, the "YOU'RE FUCKED" light is on constantly as I careen up the way, and I already know there's no way I'm gonna be able to make the sharp left into my driveway, so I drive around the circle to give myself a better angle at my driveway and cruise in relatively straight and into my garage.

Why did I ever sell my Toyota??